Well we're not going to talk about the difference between assertive and aggressive cuz they're the same damn thing (if you don't like someone, they're aggressive; if you like 'em, they're assertive).  You just stick your foot in the door. 
Disclaimer: alot of this anger is about women and other men and introversion and life and relationships and I don't expect women to understand what I'm talking about.  Sorry if this is sexist,  I'm just really pissed off right now, because there are an awful lot of stupid people and douchebags in the world. 

I've been told I'm too slow my whole fucking life.  I've been told I'm not assertive enough my whole fucking life.  I don't get it.  I'm attractive, smart, interesting, amusing if you pay attention, and a pretty fucking awesome guy.  Is the whole world full of idiots?  What the fuck is the big problem? 

Basement show in rensselaer

Bike polo

Friday.

Good Day at work.  Except we had to clean the truck at the end of the day, which sucked.  I got yelled at.  Who cares.

Almost fell asleep driving home.  napped in Wal-Mart parking lot.

ate Free School pizza, then went to Troy Night Out. ran into Mariah and her cute friend Courtney.  Kat made fun of me all night.  Jerk!  haha.

Went to bed.

new apartment.

job is better.

must journal more. 

note to self: never travel on the mass pike between 495 and 84 the sunday after thxgiving.

First we have this:

"Revolt of the Nihilists"--(sept 29th)  "This generation of political leaders is confronting a similar situation, and, so far, they have failed utterly and catastrophically to project any sense of authority, to give the world any reason to believe that this country is being governed. Instead, by rejecting the rescue package on Monday, they have made the psychological climate much worse." 

Then we have this:

"Accountability needed with Bailout"--AIG (11-13-08) "It is not just that the Treasury and the Federal Reserve pushed Congress to pass a bailout plan that has now been abandoned. Nor is it just that the early recipients are already in line for more handouts. It is that the government seems to have written checks with little knowledge of how deep the rot went."

This, Mr. Brooks, is why you don't rush legislation through Congress or hand money out to rich Fat Cats. 

And then we have Obama choosing to surround himself with Lawrence Summers, the guy who suggested that poor people or those in poor countries are more expendable than wealthy people.  Yikes. 

So.  Dear Journal:

I am working for Sundog Solar in Chatham.  It's OK.  Tiring.  The guys I work with annoy me to great extent. 

I'm just going to brainstorm about what would make the job better. 

First, let's have a little binder with months laid out in it so it's easy for us to request days off.  A REQUEST binder. 

Second.  Let's have a briefing early in the morning, or late the day before, about what we're to do that day, so I can get an idea of what we're doing, what I'll need, what WE'LL need, and so I can ask any questions that come to mind.  Wouldn't that be nice? 

Third: maybe we could figure out a good way of keeping inventory?  I have no clue what we have and what we need.  It's not clear who is supposed to be responsible for that.  John has told me that if I think we're running out of something, then I should restock it when we get back to the warehouse.  And if we're really almost out, to tell him or Brian.  But wouldn't it be easier if we were able to just mark somewhere that we are out of an item, instead of trying to track someone down?

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The fact is I do better work when I am given a task that I can do independently of other people.  I don't really like having to work with others.  Maybe this is why a lab job is a better match. 

I just finished Night Watch, the bestselling supernatural thriller by Sergei Lukyanenko. 

It's pretty good. It's told from the perspective of Anton Gorodetsky, a Light Magician of moderate talent, who reluctantly becomes a field operative in the Night Watch. 

"Others" live among ordinary humans and are specifically "not human".  Among the Evil Others are vampires, Dark Magicians, shape-shifters, and kinds of supernatural beings.  Among the Good Others are Light Magicians, good shape-shifters, and a few other fairies and such.

So the way the Novel is set up is that there was an eternal struggle between Good and Evil.   At some point a few hundred years ago, a Truce was called between the two forces, and a bureaucracy was set up to administer the Truce.  Night Watch is the police force that enforces the Treaty for Good and keeps an eye on the Evil Others, and Day Watch is the Evil counterpart to Night Watch.  Above them are the Inquisitors, a small group of impartial Others that keep tabs on both sides. 

One of the things I liked about the book was that there was plenty of moral ambiguity to go around.  That is one of the main themes of the book.  How does one know that one is doing good?  How can you tell?  Suppose you save the life of a man and he turns out to be a murderer? 

In this book, neither side is allowed, by the Treaty, to influence humans toward good or evil.  If an agent of one side does so, the other side gets a equal opportunity to influence humanity.  So that a balance is maintained.  The premise is that people must choose for themselves, without influence, what the right path is. 

Which is all very well and good.  But it is very very stressful on Anton, our protagonist, and all newly initiated Others to learn this, and not put a stop to the suffering they see around them. 

I found the tone of this book to be rather dark.  Anton goes through the novel increasingly disliking the actions the Night Watch takes in the name of Good morality.  He tells us about the zero-sum game--how helping someone out with magic can lead to great evil later. All the victories in the book have an evil shadow, and all the defeats have a good shadow. 

We get to learn from Anton about the loneliness of being in the Night Watch, and the painful trials these Others go through.  The plot twists are very tight, with surprises all around.  Nothing is really as it seems.  Anton is always 2 steps behind his superiors, and trying in vain to catch up.  He often succeeds just by being ordinary, a lesson I found pleasant.  He is stubborn and acts out of love, even if he believes he or a relationship he is in is doomed. 

the first part of this book of 3 full novellas was made into a very successful movie in 2004.  I saw it, and although I didn't understand what was going on, I enjoyed it.  : )

I think my worst criticism is that sometimes the book is confusing; sometimes the dialog is confusing or you miss a small detail that becomes important to the plot later on, and you're like, "where did that come from?" 

Another criticism is that sometimes I felt like there was too much destiny in the book.  As if the characters were all destined to act just as they did, and that there wasn't any point in thinking.  Which kind of spoils the excitement of seeing how a story unfolds.  

Anyway, it's a fun book.

Here are just a few comments about the Bailout and its failure. 

I am not a Republican, and I do not support the "bailout." 

The President and Congress can find 700 billion dollars to throw into the stock market but SOMEHOW can't find the money to provide 40 million Americans decent health care??

FAIL!!!

That is pathetic and insulting.