Hey doods. what's up? just checking this thing. Haven't been journaling at all lately.

I am not a child of the 80’s.  I was born in 1977, and turned 13 early in 1990, so perhaps my identity matured in the 1990’s.  But, growing up, I lived in fringe suburban Connecticut; my family did not have cable, my parents did not listen to pop music, and they did not watch contemporary movies.  My mother listened to classical music and only watched movies from the 30’s to the 50’s.  I often wish I were a teenager in the late 70’s to see Joy Division in concert, or go to a Minor Threat show in the early 80’s.  My first impressions of New York City are from visiting my relatives in Queens, taking my first Subway ride with my father and Uncle Frank to the Brooklyn Bridge. The cars were noisy as hell and covered with graffiti.  I was present at the street fairs celebrating the Statue of Liberty’s 100th birthday. 

I just saw American Psycho.  An amazing movie.  It’s about a Wall Street manager, younger than me, who goes loony.  By the end, you don’t know what’s really going on—What is reality and what is not. 

The 80’s were a reaction to the destruction of the hope for humanity that was nurtured during the 60’s.  The 60’s started with the Cuban Revolution in 1959, and ended with the overthrow of Salvador Allende, the president of Chile, in 1971.  The Cuban Revolution was a joyful revolution, one that the United States opposed vehemently, thereby belying the true nature of the American State.  The coup in Chile was supported by the United States and led to great suffering, political murders, and political kidnappings in Chile. 

The United States government supported assassinations and actively sought to destroy the hope that was building around the world, but especially in the United States, where those in power, the politicians and executives, were afraid that all this revolutionary spirit would end their way of life.  COINTELPRO, other clandestine domestic surveillance and terrorist programs, and the maturation of public relations served to destroy this hope. 

Eventually the hope died, and the MEANING of life was forgotten.  The 80’s, which many consider to have started with the killing of John Lennon or the election of Ronald Reagan, were a manifestation of the madness that followed.  What happens when you lose hope or meaning?  The people of the United States went mad.  Some people, like my parents, rejected this culture for one of isolation and nostalgia.  Others turned to punk, drugs, or money. 

American Psycho is about the insanity that pervaded American Culture during the 80’s. 
The Wall Street workers have nothing on their minds except ego, money, and ultimately, power over others and revenge.  This is perfectly illustrated by Patrick’s obsession with looks, and by the amazing Business Card Scene.  I capitalize this because it is so important.  Yes, important!  The executives have an ad hoc competition of business cards.  To the viewer, they are almost all identical, except for one card, which we can see has a slightly different paper texture.  But the trivial details that differ are mutated into a hierarchy: who is better than who, and, more importantly, who is wealthier, more impressive, and powerful than the others. 

The movie succeeds as a simple Thriller as well.  What suspense!  Patrick’s shy, naïve, sympathetic secretary Jean, is seduced by Patrick’s power and looks, and comes over to his apartment to have drinks.  We know that Patrick has killed before and that he is insane, but Jean is blind to this.  I found myself exhorting Jean to Leave! Leave!  Don’t be seduced!  Get out! Before he kills you!  She is saved by a phone call from Patrick’s fiancé, and Patrick, in a rare moment of self-awareness, warns Jean that if she stays, bad things might happen to her.  Does this scene lend some humanity to Patrick?  Make him slightly more sympathetic? 

Another favorite scene of mine is toward the end of the movie.  Patrick and his corporate pals are in a café, watching Ronald Reagan make a speech on television.  One of them actually calls Reagan out as a liar, asks if any of his friends are fooled.  Patrick responds, “who cares?” –the perfect response of a man whose ideals have been destroyed—destroyed by the disappointment of the 60’s. 

Since then, the United States has been split.  Indeed, the world has been split.  Into those who care and who want to live out ideals, and those apologists for capitalism, the destruction it causes, and the madness of the post 60’s world. 

Where I went to college, greater ideals were palpable.  Maybe 80 percent of the student had some strong ideals they believed in.  Some were Palestinians who wanted to free their people; some were young feminists who wanted to end rape and our culture that encourages it; some, including me, were environmentalists who wanted big companies and governments to stop destroying forests, mountains, grasslands, and coastal wetlands from over logging, extracting fossil fuels, or sucking up the water supply. 

But I went to a small, liberal arts college.  Since then, I have had the opportunity to observe a larger university in the University at Albany.  It’s a huge party school.  Many people only care about getting a hot job after graduation.  I was castigated after posting a new article about corporations on campus on a website; one woman wrote back that she had ideals and all, but she was going to school to get a diploma so she could get a job.  

It’s not wrong for people to want things they may need like housing and food and such, but no one needs 80,000 dollars a year.  It is very possible to live, in the US, on 10, 000 or less. 

The problem is that our entire society is structured so it is really difficult to do so.  Lots of people in the 60’s realized this, and began the work needed to change this, but, yes you got it, they were steamrolled by the government and especially the rich corporations.  How on earth can a wealthy executive keep his standard of living and pay off the stockholders if no-one is buying? 

There is still a strong culture of apathy in the universities of the United States today, and in the young professionals they have trained that.  In the place of ideals and dreams, greed, lust for power, or subservience develop. 

American Psycho exemplifies all this. 

so glad im go4ng home 2 albany

Well we're not going to talk about the difference between assertive and aggressive cuz they're the same damn thing (if you don't like someone, they're aggressive; if you like 'em, they're assertive).  You just stick your foot in the door. 
Disclaimer: alot of this anger is about women and other men and introversion and life and relationships and I don't expect women to understand what I'm talking about.  Sorry if this is sexist,  I'm just really pissed off right now, because there are an awful lot of stupid people and douchebags in the world. 

I've been told I'm too slow my whole fucking life.  I've been told I'm not assertive enough my whole fucking life.  I don't get it.  I'm attractive, smart, interesting, amusing if you pay attention, and a pretty fucking awesome guy.  Is the whole world full of idiots?  What the fuck is the big problem? 

Basement show in rensselaer

Bike polo

Friday.

Good Day at work.  Except we had to clean the truck at the end of the day, which sucked.  I got yelled at.  Who cares.

Almost fell asleep driving home.  napped in Wal-Mart parking lot.

ate Free School pizza, then went to Troy Night Out. ran into Mariah and her cute friend Courtney.  Kat made fun of me all night.  Jerk!  haha.

Went to bed.

new apartment.

job is better.

must journal more. 

note to self: never travel on the mass pike between 495 and 84 the sunday after thxgiving.

First we have this:

"Revolt of the Nihilists"--(sept 29th)  "This generation of political leaders is confronting a similar situation, and, so far, they have failed utterly and catastrophically to project any sense of authority, to give the world any reason to believe that this country is being governed. Instead, by rejecting the rescue package on Monday, they have made the psychological climate much worse." 

Then we have this:

"Accountability needed with Bailout"--AIG (11-13-08) "It is not just that the Treasury and the Federal Reserve pushed Congress to pass a bailout plan that has now been abandoned. Nor is it just that the early recipients are already in line for more handouts. It is that the government seems to have written checks with little knowledge of how deep the rot went."

This, Mr. Brooks, is why you don't rush legislation through Congress or hand money out to rich Fat Cats. 

And then we have Obama choosing to surround himself with Lawrence Summers, the guy who suggested that poor people or those in poor countries are more expendable than wealthy people.  Yikes.